Building a Sukkah of Healing During Sukkot

It was during the middle of Sukkot, the holy week where we are commanded to dwell in “booths,” "tabernacles," or huts for seven days while celebrating all Hashem has provided, that I realized the gravity of this seemingly simple moment.

This year was my first time observing all the Jewish holy days on the calendar in my new apartment, a fresh start from the events and toxic relationships of the past few years. The only con was that since it's an apartment, there's no real space to have a halachic sukkah. I was also in a flare-up during most of Sukkot from attending services for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur in-person and just getting my period after that, so between hormones, exhaustion, and a dysautonomia flare, I wasn't building anything or enjoying much time outside. Due to financial constraints of my medical and living costs, I wasn't able to purchase a lulav and etrog either. All around, for my first Sukkot since living on my own, I wasn't feeling too celebratory.

I started journaling my feelings. The more I processed everything about the year so far and the beauty of being in my own space where I can heal, the more I realized that Sukkot was not just about doing physical mitzvahs. Rather, Sukkot is the remembrance of honest trust in God, even when faced with scarcity, hardships, or tough moments. So, here are some of my honest thoughts on how I built a spiritual sukkah of love, generational healing, and prayer this past Sukkot.

God's Provision

Legend says that the clothes on our ancestors’ backs and the shoes on their feet never tattered or ran out in the wilderness as they trekked to the promised land, because Hashem made sure they never went without. Even though the reason for that 40-year trek was their own doing.

Hashem still does the same now. It's no coincidence that Sukkot falls after Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, moments on the Jewish calendar where we reflect, rebuild, forgive, restore, and heal in community, reconciling with God and others to ensure no baggage meets us in our New Year. Sukkot is the perfect ending to this process, celebrating God's grace, provision, hope, and mercy in the face of adversity, hardship, and even persecution, and setting the tone for the rest of the year. During this same time, we have Simchat Torah, the moment when we restart the parasha to Genesis, and as a community, read and discuss the entire Torah all over again, just as we've done for generations.

This is even more proven by how Sukkot ended this year, with the release of the hostages in Gaza and the end of the war between Israel and Hamas. Look at the timing. Just as Jews around the world were preparing for Simchat Torah, one of the most celebratory days on the Jewish calendar, we got to celebrate this momentous event as well.

Starting Over After Trauma

These past few years have been hard. I’ve had to grapple with trauma from my past, and I’ve had to reinvent and rediscover myself after losing myself to people-pleasing and high-control religion. I've felt alone, scared, and worried that I'd never be me again after it all. Who was I anyway? Everything I was, had, and did was for a community that did not care and weaponized God's words to harm me. With every Jewish holy day I celebrate in freedom, I am healing generations and creating a better world for me and my future family. It is hard work, but that's my wilderness.

But even in my own wilderness, I have to remember to celebrate the small wins Hashem provides, keep my eyes open for the pillar of cloud that will be guiding me, and take every moment of every day step by step. That’s healing. That’s trust.

Building My Sukkah

To me, the sukkah represents safety, love, hope, and generational healing and remembrance. a moment to stop participating in the rat race and look back at how far God has brought us. That’s what Sukkot means to me. For generations, we have looked back on the moment where God provided for us in the wilderness and said, "He still does this, and we will remember." The wilderness was traumatic for our people. Many died, many suffered, but God still said, "I'm hear, I remember you."

Hence, every year, when we create sukkahs from the things we have around us, decorate them, and invite guests in, that's us passing down what God did. That's us choosing to do it for others. We are inviting others into our safe spaces made as a temporary shelter from chaos to heal, be fed, and find refuge.

This Sukkot, my meditation was that while God serves a tabernacle (vulnerable safe space) for me, I can create a healing tabernacle for others, and together, we can face any wilderness with trust and hope in God’s provision for us. And with effort, that sukkah never has to be taken down.