Using Pattern Recognition to Avoid Negative Energy

For the first time ever, I’m writing a book that publicizes parts of my life previously unknown to the world, from being an abuse survivor to religious trauma. Why? Because I’m so tired of hiding and being afraid of being judged for my background. Because I have a story to tell and feel moved to tell it. Because I want other people to know that finding our voices after trauma is possible.

If you’re like me, you’ve been through and seen a lot in your life. You’re now a hypervigilant, anxious, newly-diagnosed neurodivergent and/or chronically-ill survivor trying to become a “thriver” and live life beyond fear. But it’s complicated. You’re trying to “move on” in life and start over, words that a lot of people try to tell us they have the perfect solution for, but nothing ever really works. Self-help book after self-help book, training class after training class, countless therapy calls, and support groups, and still, sometimes you’d rather stick your head in the sand and shut out the outside world. I’ve come close to doing that on occasion.

Writing out my feelings brought up buried emotions and memories I’d thought were long forgotten. Yes, it was painful, but it was also healing. For every moment I wrote, I could look back on a part of my life and be astounded by how I’m still standing today. We often take for granted our own resilience just because we are still sensitive, emotional people. We still feel. So, this is why I write.

For me, writing doesn’t just help me process grief (of time, place, person, mobility, relationships, etc.); writing also helps me recognize patterns in my life experiences and assess my previous shortcomings and successes. We are not a monolith at all, but many neurodivergent folx are known for our abilities to predict events or recognize changes based solely on patterns. We notice things most people don’t. I’ve experienced this on numerous occasions.

But, often, when you’re dealing with trauma, everything blurs together, and our pattern-recognition abilities go into hyperdrive. Sometimes, this helps us avoid making the same mistakes or getting into sticky situations, but other times, things can get skewed to become self-sabotaging and extreme. We can become too attuned to the negative aspects of a person, place, or thing, instead of the necessary balance of recognizing both the good and bad patterns, kind of like someone who has experienced narcissistic abuse suddenly seeing every person as a narcissist after leaving. It’s not overreacting! Lots of people have toxic traits. But not every person is a narcissist.

When I first left toxic religion, I believed that every religious organization or person would cause me harm. The pattern had said so. But if I’d based my decisions on that belief, even if it were true for 50% of situations, I would have missed out on the synagogue community I found that affirms me and inspires me to grow in my connection with God. Still, in the back of my head, I hear myself saying, “They will let you down one day,” and I still keep my guard up. Sadly, that’s the nature of trauma. Always leaving you second-guessing.

Writing shows me that I can still recognize patterns, jogging my memory of important events, circumstances, and people, without leaving out the good, bad, and ugly of the scenario. It is through this practice of reflection through writing that I’ve learned that, yes, no matter what my guilty inner critic tries to tell me, some people I’ve cut off need to stay out of my life. And sometimes I overreact and shut people out who are actually good for me. Like most of my existence, the beauty lies in the steady dance between the two truths.

So, could we use pattern recognition to spot fakes, frauds, bad stewards of religion, and not-so-great relationships? Totally! If you can use pattern recognition, it can help you identify people or situations that are either not good or amazing based on previous experiences! But, should we solely rely on it, without reflecting on our lives, getting in tune with our emotions, and processing our grief first? Probably not. Trust me, I am not trying to discourage us from learning from our mistakes or trusting our gut. I’m not attempting to group every person’s experience with mine. This is just my perspective based on personal opinions. I’ve realized that the gift of pattern recognition can be both a blessing and a curse, depending on our lens and how we use it. I’ve had to relearn how to use it all over again.

I can’t wait to share my book with you in the coming months and continue documenting my healing and discovery journey!